“I have had to accept the fact that my life is almost totally paradoxical. I have also had to learn gradually to get along without apologizing for the fact, even to myself. . . . It is in the paradox itself, the paradox which was and still is a source of insecurity, that I have come to find the greatest security.”
This quote by Thomas Merton sums up what I am coming to discover. I think I am really coming to terms with the fact that doubt need not cut one in two, need not vanquish, is a given, in certain people, and that it an be accepted as a signpost, almost an indication, that faith is at work. What a paradox indeed – certainty in the midst of doubt.
What are we if not confused, or grasping at uncertain certainties to bolster ourselves up, and of what value is certainty anyway, without Love? Reading Richard Rohr’s review on the live’s of mystics and non-dual thinkers has helped me, too. I see that there is a vastness out there, in God, in Christ, that I have not begun to plummet, a vastness where the neat edges blur and whose very vastness and depth fills me with a sense of freedom and confidence. I need not be afraid. In the end Christ is true – and the narrowness and dualism which bother me so much seem, at some point, to end. They are not lies. They are true. Yet there is more, ever more to Christ.
“But now he has reconciled you by Christ’s physical body through death on the cross, to present you holy in his sight – without blemish and free from accusation …”. This is good news for everyone. Of course it continues, “… if you continue in your faith, established and firm, not moved from the hope held out for you in the gospel of Christ”. (That is from Colossians 2, I think). Continuing in your faith, yes, despite yourself.